Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
