So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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