She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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