thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
