We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
