I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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