Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
