Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
