Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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