Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
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I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.