So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
