his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just gargled with NyQuil
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
