Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
