After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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