Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
