I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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