Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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