I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
