What a fucking waste of an outfit
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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