i'm signing you up for texting rehab
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
