pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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