you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
