well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
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