By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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