Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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