i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
