I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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