I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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