Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
