don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
