She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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