I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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