before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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