My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
