and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
