Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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