dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
