i'm lost and i look like a hooker
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
