how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
