just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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