maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
