This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
