my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
3pm strippers are depressing
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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