Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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