is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
