shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Your penis caused this!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
