I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
