I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
