At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Couch. On fire.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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