super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
