my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
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