i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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