Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
