well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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