So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
