I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
