at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
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