I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
