mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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